Thursday, February 07, 2002
Well, I am home now. Just spent the last hour trying to get a game of spades going on this damn computer and couldn't accomplish it. So instead I write. My parents and brother are on right now and we are having some interesting talks. My mom is on the verge of a breakdown with my brother leaving and my dad is "barely holding it together". This is tough. Real tough. According to Winfield, he is very excited for the move and isn't worried at all. Now while this puts us all at ease for him, it doesn't take away the sadness. I am so high strung these days and I just need Sunday to come. What I need is for this anticipation period to be over.
I hate anticipation of any kind. Even when it is good. I am very spontaneous as a personality and I hate having to look forward to things or to wait things out. I believe in solutions and making things immediately better. Some days I just wish that I could go to sleep and wake up when the bad period is over. I remember when I was little, praying to God that I would blink and time would just fly by. I remember being willing to give up all the good memories that I would make in that time period, if I could just get through the bad thing that I was dreading. For example, when I was in 5th grade...I participated in some sort of cafeteria shenanigans. Somehow I was pinned and blamed for the entire thing. (this is definitely a "somehow" cuz I was ALWAYS the good kid in school. Never got detention, never got yelled at, always accelled) So I got busted for the cafeteria bullshit and was told that I would have to sit in from recess for 3 days. Those three days were the worst three days of my life. But even worse...was the weekend that I had to wait out before my sentence would begin. I remember that one night of that weekend, I had a dream that it was all over. That I didn't really have to stay in from recess or that there was some big mix-up and my name was cleared. In the dream I felt so relieved, so free. However, I woke up and the punishment stood loud and clear. I think it was the day I woke up when I created the theory of passing time with no recollection of what was really happening. If I could just close my eyes and give up 3 days or 3 weeks or 3 years of my life to just get past that awful moment...
That's how I feel right now. I would give up today until Monday if it meant fast forwarding until after my brother left. But alas...it is a stupid theory and totally impossible. Impossibility being the reason for its stupidity.
In other news...I want to be a blog of note. I think I am worthy of a blog of note. (who DOESN'T think that?) Not that being a blog of note is any great accomplishment or anything. But why do we, as a society, have to always be recognized for the things we do. Why can't we just do them and appreciate it because it is for us and only us. Rita does things for her and only her. Why can't I? Why can't you? (p.s. Rita helped someone with their baby carriage up a flight of stairs the other day and told me that she did it cuz it made HER feel good. So even REETS has this problem.) So what is it with us people?
Just a thought...(but hopefully a thought that will make me a blog of note)
I hate anticipation of any kind. Even when it is good. I am very spontaneous as a personality and I hate having to look forward to things or to wait things out. I believe in solutions and making things immediately better. Some days I just wish that I could go to sleep and wake up when the bad period is over. I remember when I was little, praying to God that I would blink and time would just fly by. I remember being willing to give up all the good memories that I would make in that time period, if I could just get through the bad thing that I was dreading. For example, when I was in 5th grade...I participated in some sort of cafeteria shenanigans. Somehow I was pinned and blamed for the entire thing. (this is definitely a "somehow" cuz I was ALWAYS the good kid in school. Never got detention, never got yelled at, always accelled) So I got busted for the cafeteria bullshit and was told that I would have to sit in from recess for 3 days. Those three days were the worst three days of my life. But even worse...was the weekend that I had to wait out before my sentence would begin. I remember that one night of that weekend, I had a dream that it was all over. That I didn't really have to stay in from recess or that there was some big mix-up and my name was cleared. In the dream I felt so relieved, so free. However, I woke up and the punishment stood loud and clear. I think it was the day I woke up when I created the theory of passing time with no recollection of what was really happening. If I could just close my eyes and give up 3 days or 3 weeks or 3 years of my life to just get past that awful moment...
That's how I feel right now. I would give up today until Monday if it meant fast forwarding until after my brother left. But alas...it is a stupid theory and totally impossible. Impossibility being the reason for its stupidity.
In other news...I want to be a blog of note. I think I am worthy of a blog of note. (who DOESN'T think that?) Not that being a blog of note is any great accomplishment or anything. But why do we, as a society, have to always be recognized for the things we do. Why can't we just do them and appreciate it because it is for us and only us. Rita does things for her and only her. Why can't I? Why can't you? (p.s. Rita helped someone with their baby carriage up a flight of stairs the other day and told me that she did it cuz it made HER feel good. So even REETS has this problem.) So what is it with us people?
Just a thought...(but hopefully a thought that will make me a blog of note)
